What Do You Do When You Turn 52?

So in a couple of hours I will turn 52 and the number is adding up pretty fast. A simple calculation shows that what I have left in terms of time is much less than that which I had lived. What should I do with the time that lies in the future.  Of course there is that fear that I will contemplate the future to the detriment of my present. May be the time is now. May be the time is always now…right here, right now. Is what we have left to live something that we should leave to what is left for us by the society? Spending our lives so that when we retire by the age of 67, there will be enough to retire and ofcourse making sure that there’s health insurance coverage. Live by the rules, stay in the norms, abide by the standards. Life does move on and death really is the final destiny. And in the face of death, one will not ask how much retirement have I left or am I insured or does my community think well of me. In the face of death, I presume, the questions might be…have I lived…laughed…smiled…given to others…touched lives…danced…felt things in my soul…cried. Have I the courage to step into the margins where things really do matter even when it is not norm?  I’m reminded of Henri Nouwen when he suggests that in the final destination, life is not about upward mobility but a downward spiral to that which really matters.  Perhaps that waas the very reason he left Yale and Harvard to live with the mentally handicapped.  Perhaps one really sits in the presence of God when one is stripped of all reputation, prestige, success and even a sense of security from which one has built for oneself. It is this place where ‘I’ comes face to face with the core of who this ‘I’ is. It is the most raw aspect of ‘I am.’ It is real. And perhaps it is the path one takes as one  moves further in life because real is the only way to be.

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