The Sacred and the Space in Between

Sabbath, Simplicity, and Sustainability

sirojs — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 06:52:35 +0000

Recently a friend asked what my faith is to me and I ponder the depth of what this question mean to me. What is Seventhday Adventism to me? In the process I was drawn to the question of the Sabbath, the concept of rest. What is so restless about our society that makes rest a rare commodity? We always talk about rest but it does not seem as if there’s really a place in our world. Even in the world of Adventism that I’m in. There are plenty of striving and struggling to be good enough as defined by the religious insitution and interpreted locally and regionally. When perfection is demanded, there’s no room for vulnerability. And without vulnerability, there’s no room for rest neither.

A couple of months ago I had the privilege of sitting with a Thai professor from Chulalongkorn University. I asked him about sustainability and he invited me to reflect back to the time with Thailand was a agricultural society. People learned to live and give and share. There were not major disparity between wealth and poverty. The distribution of wealth was within appropriate range. Then came industrial revolution, the progression of machines and technology that enabled mass production that was once not within reach. This mass production as a result of machines and technology result in the widening of the gap in production and hence income. Disparity of distribution increased. Where once farmers used to take turn to assist one another in harvesting and planting, with the arrival of machines and mass production, sharing was no longer practiced and replaced by wages. Farmers stopped helping others and started demanding wages for their sweat. I suspect the repitition of this process further played an important role in rewriting local and national narratives on what it means to succeed in a society. A new public discourse emerged. A new measure of success articulated and populated. Quantification became the means for the measure of success.

But really, is there a basis by which quantification become the standard measure for success? Why not sharing, why not contentment, why not happiness, why not compassion s as measures for success? There are no more ground for accumulative quantification as measure for success then contentment and happiness and compassion. I have nothing against quantification. But to set this as a standard for measure seems arbritary. We can probably say I like to acquire and accumulate because I like comfort or for the pleasure it can afford but I think success needs to be redefined. Because success becomes the place where people measure themselves and their worth. And there’s nothing more important for a person than to realize their worth. But the society caught in this definition of succcess (and here I am looking way beyond economics. There are always so many standards of measure for so many different areas in our lives such as good looks, reputable careers, cognitive ability as meaasured by standardized tests etc). I think for this very reason it becomes difficult for us to find that place where we can rest. And I do not mean rest only in a literal sense but figurative sense as well. When there’s room for validation of simplicity, rest becomes a possibility. And as a result, this philosophical shift toward simplicity becomes sustainable.

I guess this is perhaps the place in my current journey into what my faith means to me at this point in my life. And who knows what might happen in the futurer…..

What Do You Do When You Turn 52?

sirojs — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 05:27:54 +0000

So in a couple of hours I will turn 52 and the number is adding up pretty fast. A simple calculation shows that what I have left in terms of time is much less than that which I had lived. What should I do with the time that lies in the future. Of course there is that fear that I will contemplate the future to the detriment of my present. May be the time is now. May be the time is always now…right here, right now. Is what we have left to live something that we should leave to what is left for us by the society? Spending our lives so that when we retire by the age of 67, there will be enough to retire and ofcourse making sure that there’s health insurance coverage. Live by the rules, stay in the norms, abide by the standards. Life does move on and death really is the final destiny. And in the face of death, one will not ask how much retirement have I left or am I insured or does my community think well of me. In the face of death, I presume, the questions might be…have I lived…laughed…smiled…given to others…touched lives…danced…felt things in my soul…cried. Have I the courage to step into the margins where things really do matter even when it is not norm? I’m reminded of Henri Nouwen when he suggests that in the final destination, life is not about upward mobility but a downward spiral to that which really matters. Perhaps that waas the very reason he left Yale and Harvard to live with the mentally handicapped. Perhaps one really sits in the presence of God when one is stripped of all reputation, prestige, success and even a sense of security from which one has built for oneself. It is this place where ‘I’ comes face to face with the core of who this ‘I’ is. It is the most raw aspect of ‘I am.’ It is real. And perhaps it is the path one takes as one moves further in life because real is the only way to be.

First…Do no harm

sirojs — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 01:33:12 +0000

Funny, this is the one thing we teach healthcare students all the time and yet it seems much more difficult to practice. The truth is, my life has been that path toward trying really hard not to cause harm to any one. Call it avoidance or dissociation or whatever else. It is the one thing I seem to avoid as much as I possibly can. And the sad part is, I end up causing harm to the people I most care about. It is no wonder I have this fantasy of myself living in a remotest area by myself watching the stars and drinking tea. Because there, I will not be able to cause harm. I wonder if, in life, it is just not possible to avoid harm. Not because one intends to make life difficult for others but just because we are human and we live our lives trying to the best of our ability while at the same time having our own frailty, our wants, and needs, and dreams, and longings, and ideas about life. It causes me deep grief to come to this realization. There is always that hope as well, the belief that people are able to handle harm, there is that inner resouces in others, inner strength and courage and they move on pretty well. May be it is about first be human, learn from your mistakes, and minimize harms. I’m not sure…I just know that it pains me when that happens and I know that no matter how hard I try, it will still happen and in my humaniaty, I have to learn to live with, learn from, minimize, and trust that people are strong and they have beautiful souls and they gravitate toward meaningful life even in the midst of hurts and pain. I keep thinking about a friendly reminder…”stop apologizing.”

จำ

sirojs — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 02:52:01 +0000

ตื่นเช้า ก็คิด

กลางวัน ก็นึก

ก่อนนอน ระลึก

กินข้าว ก็จำ

นั้งรถ เห็นภาพ

หน้าคอม คุุ้้นเคย

กลิ่นกาแฟ รื้อฟื้น

กระเป๋า สีฟ้า

แว่นตา กันแดด

ขนุน แตงกวา

พูดจา เรียบร้อย

ร้อยคิด ร้อยจำ

หลายคำ วาจา

หลายวา เดินทาง

หลายทาง ร่วมเดิน

หลายเนิน ต้องสู้

สุดทาง ต้องจาก

เหลือความ ทรงจำ

ที่อยู่ต่อไปฯ

เดินไปใจไม่ตาม ตามใจทางไม่เดิน

sirojs — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 16:06:37 +0000

ห้ามมื่อไม่ให้หยิบก็ห้ามได้

ห้ามปากไม่ให้พูดก็ห้ามไหว

ห้ามขาไม่ให้เดินก็ห้ามเป็น

ห้ามก้นไม่ให้นั้งก็พอไหว

ห้ามจมูกไม่ดมก็กลั้นได้

ห้ามแขนไม่ให้แก่วงก็ห้ามหยุด

แต่จะบอกควายไม่ให้กินหญ้า จะบอกยังไง

จะบอกนกไม่ให้โบกบิน ก็ไม่ได้

จะบอกปลาให้ขึ้นบก ก็ผิดปลา

จะบอกนาไม่ให้มีข้าว มันก็ไม่เป็นนา

ก็เหมือนใจ

บอกไปมันก็มา

บอกมามันก็ไป

มันไปตามใจ

เพราะใจมันตามใจ

เพราะแต่ละใจมันมีทาง

บางทีทางที่ไป ใจอาจไม่ตาม

และตามทางใจ อาจไม่มีทาง

ไม่ว่าเดินจะไปตามทางไหน

ขอเพียงรู้ว่าใจมันมีทางใจ

Another Encouraging Story

sirojs — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 16:08:15 +0000

Last night I met with two of the students that received scholarship from our program. These two sisters came from a Hmong village way up on the hill with no public transportation and no electricity. Actually this scholarship program sponsored three of the sisters. The first graduated three years ago and is now working with an insurance company doing well. The second sister will graduate with a bachelor degree in tourism and the youngest will graduate with this February as well. These sisters are really hard working and are performing well academically. While in Chiang Rai they used to work at times till 5 in the morning, came home, and got ready to go to school again in the morning. I asked how many young people in the village get to go to college. Their response was, about 5%. Not only are they hard working and determined to help support their families, they are concern for their village as well. I had a long conversation about the struggle of the villagers and learned that most villagers do not have sufficient connection. They grow crops yearly and make approximately 500 to 1,000 dollars a year if they were able to sell their crops. They do not have knowledge in terms of outlet for their products. When the price is bad, they suffer. Some years, their entire year labor reaps nothing due to external circumstances and the cycle of debt continues. Their are young people with dreams and vision and courage. They are the minority but through determination, they make a difference for themselves and for their families and hopefully for their village as well.

An Encouraging Story

sirojs — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 14:01:58 +0000

I met Banyen this evening at a restaurant by Ratchadapisek, Bangkok. She has just spent a week in Bangkok and learning to find her ways around. I have known Banyen for over four years. She was among the students that I sponsored while she was pursuing an undergraduate degree in accounting. The very first time I saw her, I visited her house which was located 40 minutes from Chiang Rai city in a small Akka village. We ate Akka meal which was interesting. Since, we have been in contact and every time I visited Chiang Rai I would try to give her a visit. Banyen came from a family of 5, she being the youngest and no one has earned anything beyond a high school diploma. Not just her family, but very few in her village pursued higher education but Banyen was determined to earn a degree and be a place of refuge for her family. After completed an associate degree, she worked full-time for an NGO while studying during weekends to earn her bachelor degree. A couple of weeks ago I talked to her on FB and told her that I would like to meet with her. But by then she has left Chiang Rai city for Bangkok. Sitting across from her at the restaurant I asked her about her job in Bangkok. Banyen told me that she took three exams in order to become government officer. She competed with over ten thousand applicants and was among one hundred who were selected for employment. She told me that she prayed really hard because she wanted so badly to be an example for young people in her village. She was always encouraging others in her village to go to school and will be helping her nieces and nephews with education. It felt really inspiring to not only learn of her achievement in her career (very few at her age make it through the process) but her passion for her people in the Akka village. I left the dinner touched by her story and hope that God will continue to lead her in her path as she seeks to reach out to others.

Tracking Depression: Negativity

sirojs — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 03:30:19 +0000

Depression is a constant factor in my life. I’ve learned to cope with it for a while now and sometime it is hard to identify because it has become so much a part of me and my daily functioning. Lately I have observed in myself the feeling of negativity. This is not new but it is nice to identify and become more aware of. Negativity negates. And it is often there at every point. I used to think that the experience of negativity such as guilt appears when I’m experiencing conflict within my life. I realize that with or without any experience, negative emotion remains. It is not all that bad it is just there. For example, I could experience guilt when I over ate and I would associate the sense of guilt with this act. However, even when I eat regular, the feeling remains. It is just there. Any type of conflicting experience can cause such exaggeration in terms of guilt or negative feeling. To regulate this I have come to the place where I have to be ok with the negative feeling within myself (which is not all that strong…it is just there). And move on with things in life instead of being obsessed with trying to get rid of this feeling. Learning to live with isn’t easy but it does help and put perspectives into life. At least I know that the feeling (for example guilt) may be there even when I have not done anything deserving of such feelings.

ตัวไปใจไม่ตาม

sirojs — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 04:08:14 +0000

มือ บอกให้ไป มันก็ไป

ขา บอกให้มา มันก็มา

ปาก บอกให้พูด มันก็พูด

หู บอกให้ฟัง มันก็ฟัง

นื้ว บอกให้จับ มันก็จับ

ตา บอกให้มอง มันก็มอง

แต่ใจ… บอกให้ไป มันก็ไม่ไป

บอกให้มา มันก็ไม่มา

มันไปตามภาษาใจ

มันไปของมัน ตามทางที่เพียงใจจะเข้าใจ

ชีวิตมันมีหนทางที่จะต้องเดิน แต่ใจ ต้องปล่อยให้ไปตามทางของใจ

เราอาจจะไม่ได้เดินตามทางของใจ แต่อย่างน้อยเรารู้จักภาษาที่ใจพูดให้เราฟัง

Rain

sirojs — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 13:51:14 +0000

I stepped onto the balcony and felt a wonderful breeze. Dark clouds were at a distance and soon I knew the rain would come. So on the balcony I sat and waited and the rain came. And I sat right there watching the rain. I knew it would pass and there I was just sitting. The rain came and just like the way it came, it went on its way leaving its mark on the floor of the balcony. I wonder, does life imitate rain? Just wondering.