Whom shall we get to decide what is right? Shall we get someone who agrees with you to decide? But if he already agrees with you, how can he decide fairly? Shall we get someone who agrees with me? But if he already agrees with me, how can he decide? Shall we get someone who disagrees with both of us? But he already disagrees with both of us, how can he decide?…Obviously, then, neither you nor I nor anyone else can know the answer. Shall we wait for still another person?[i] Chuang Tzu
“Whom shall we get to decide?” This is a very good question. When my son was little an elderly Chinese lady came to visit. She looked at him with a smile and said, “You are so ugly. Ugly…ugly…ugly!” How could it be right for someone to call others ugly? Under normal circumstances none of us would appreciate such a comment. But I remembered listening to her remark with a sense of pride. In her world, there are demons that like good looking children. But these demons are so codependent that they depend on human opinions. The trick is to trick the demons. So when this elderly Chinese lady said “ugly” I knew better. She actually meant, “You are so cute!” How can calling people “ugly” be right? Who is to decide?
It was 8:30 in the evening at King’s College, a regular weekly meeting of philosophers and students of philosophy. The date was October 25, 1946, a day not to be forgotten.
This was the only time these three great philosophers—Russell, Wittgenstein, and Popper—were together. Yet, to this day, no one can agree precisely about what took place. What is clear is that there were vehement exchanges between Popper and Wittgenstein over the fundamental nature of philosophy—whether there were indeed philosophical problems (Popper) or merely puzzles (Wittgenstein).[ii]
Many interpretations of this event expressed, many versions written. There were allegations and arguments over what took place. The ten-minute exchange between two great philosophers was about what can be known and what cannot be known. The irony, every one saw what they saw and took with them what they thought was taking place. What really took place? What was real? Who is to decide?
Reality is tricky. A Buddhist monk once said to me, “A dream is a temporal reality. Reality is a very very long dream.” Perhaps this is the reason when Buddha was asked if he was the enlightened One, he just replied, “I am awake.” The awaken Buddha was silent when asked about the Ultimate Reality. Lao Tzu would have agreed. The real cannot be named. But our society is extremely proficient in the art of naming reality. This chapter explores the impact naming of reality has on the human psyche from Chuang Tzu’s perspective. If Chuang Tzu had read the Velveteen Rabbit he would have agreed with the Skin Horse, “Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who do not understand.”[iii]
So we learn from Kant that the real world we are in (noumenon) is not the real world we live (phenomenon). We all think it is real but it is as real as we think it is. My wife came home one evening and told me an incident at the psychiatric ward she was visiting. A schizophrenic patient rushed to the psychiatrist in despair crying “Doctor, doctor…I see people.” The doctor turned and pointed toward my wife and her colleagues, “You mean, these people?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry, they are real people.”
What is real to one, may not be to the other. The spirit world of ancestors is real to many Chinese but not to most Caucasians. There is only one God to Muslims but there are millions to Hindus. There are angels. There are no angels. There are miracles. There is no miracle. Good begets good. Deceitfulness reaps rewards. Which reality? Who is to decide?
Kant tells us that there is an organizing principle in each of us. This organizing principle, which exists a priori, makes possible for our connection with the external world, the phenomenal world. David Hume takes it a step further. There is no external causal relation nor continuation. Everything is the creation of the mind. Human beings are just a bundle of perception, hence the expression, “no matter, never mind.” When we sit and observe a mountain, according to Hume, we only see because of our sense perception. When we close our eyes, the mountain no longer exists for us. When we look again, it is there. Every time there is a mountain, there is sense perception. The continuation of existence is only our rational interpretation. We question Hume’s common sense. But the question remains especially through modern psychiatry. Aren’t we wired to see, hear, sense, and feel a certain way? We learn the darkness of melancholia in relation to neurotransmitters. And why do some people hear what is not spoken, see what is not there? Carol North recounts her struggle with psychosis:
Without even a knock on the door, the nurse burst into my hospital room. She held out a Dixie cup containing a little green pill and a little white pill.
“Military pellets?” I asked.
“No, this is Haldol. Dr. Hamingway wants you to take it.”
I swallowed the pills. The nurse, satisfied with the completion of her mission, turned on her heel and exited.
Next, a man in a long white coat and a tie burst in.
“Is there no privacy?” Hal protested.
“No!” said another voice. “It’s the day of the eagle.”
“Hi, I’m Dr. Dolby,” said the man in the white coat. “Can we talk for a little while?
Not filtering out my irrelevant ideas, I asked him, “Are you wearing white because this is the Day of the Eagle?”
He looked at me strangely, then repeated, “No, I’m Dr. Dolby,” in a louder-than-normal voice, as if I were hard-of-hearing. Positioning his yellow legal ablet squarely on his clipboard, he said, “Can you name the last five presidents?”
It sounded like some kind of trick question to me. Too bad he didn’t realize I had the power to diffuse my molecules and slip right through the brick wall to the outside. He could never keep me here. In the meantime, I decided to answer his question: “Ford, Nixon, Johnson, Hal…”[iv]
“Who is Hal?” Or to be more accurate, “Who the hell is Hal?” His voice is real to Carol as the other that talks about the day of the eagle and that of Dr. Dolby. Did Dr. Dolby realize that she could diffuse her molecules and slip right through the brick wall? Perhaps not because they both were wired differently.
We learn through studying brain anatomy that temporal lobes are related to memory, language and learning. “Clinically,” says Robert Hedaya, “euphoria, auditory hallucinations, and delusions are usually associated with impaired function of the dominant temporal lobes.”[v] We also learn that vision and visual memory are associated with occipital lobes.[vi] Referring to the role of the temporal cortex Harold Kaplan, Benjamin Sadock, and Jack Grebb write, “Common symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy include olfactory and gustatory hallucinations, déjà vu, derealization, depersonalization, and repetitive motor acts.”[vii] Regarding the parietal cortex, “a patient with a right-sided lesion may deny that the left arm exists and may even fail to put clothes on the left side of the body.”[viii] But does the left arm exist? If we are wired differently, will we see differently or hear differently? If so, what has this wiring, this mental circuit, to do with reality? What is reality? Who is to decide?
NOTES
[i] Chuang Tzu: Basic Writings, 43-4. [ii] David Edmonds and John Eidinow, Wittgenstein’s Poker: The Story of a Ten-Minute Argument Between Two Great Philosophers (New York: HarperCollins, 2001), 2. [iii] M. Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit and How Toys Become Real (San Diego, CA: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanich, 1983), 14-16. [iv] Carol S. North, Welcome, Silence: My Triumph over Schizophrenia (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1987), 249-50. [v] Robert J. Hedaya, Understanding Biological Psychiatry (New York: Norton, 1996), 4.[vi] Hedaya, Understanding Biological Psychiatry, 4. [vii] Harold Kaplan, Benjamin Sadock, and Jack Grebb, Kaplan and Sadock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry (Baltimore: Williams and Wilkins, 1994), 101. [viii] Kaplan, Sadock, Grebb, Kaplan and Saddock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry, 101.
As an individual with high functioning autism, I think about this “wiring” issue a lot. The way that I perceive the world seems much different than most of the population. I haven’t decided yet who gets to decide what reality is or if it even exists. 😉
Well…I can certain identify since I’m dealing with my own ‘wiring’ issues as well and, like you, at the back of my mind is that constant wondering…who gets to decide!!!
I really enjoyed reading this and it certainly has raised a good question on who gets to decide what is right and what is wrong? To be honest, I do not think there is a correct answer for this question. The answer depends on what you decide to believe in. For one individual, he or she may believe God is the one who gets to decide. However, for another individual, he or she would choose to believe in himself or herself to decide what is wrong and what is right. All people are different and some may have a religion while others do not. Is it wrong for some people not to believe in God or another religion? Who gets to decide that? I personally cannot go and condemn others because they do not believe in what I believe. Instead, I would refer back to the basic principles that I go by. As long as you are doing something with the intention to help and not to hurt others, it should be the right thing to do. If you choose to do something, you should do it out of love and care for another human being.
Chuang Tzu and Reality…
I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…
This certainly is a profound question to consider: “Who gets to decide” what is right, what is wrong, or even perhaps, what is amoral? This is difficult to encounter in an etic (universal) perspective and cover all possible grounds, religions, cultures, etc. The only way in which I can come to a peace about this issue is, simply put, in the intent of the heart (or simply, the intention of the person).
The intent of the person is the only common, etic, perspective that seems to come to a consensus: “yes, that was right” or “no, that is wrong”. Yet, even in this, we come to a problem: In different cultures, there are different views on what is the proper intent toward various individuals of other ethnic groups. For the sake of space here, I will leave it at that, and finish my thought by proposing that perhaps those that can take a case-by-case basis (i.e., individual) and decide whether their action is rooted in genuine Love or not…
Which now I’ll connect with the post again: “Who can decide?” What is reality? Even if this is all a creation of my mind while I post this comment, I know this: That I feel and live more fulfilled when I base my acts in intentions of Love, and that is Good in either (i.e., creation of my mind or actual external world) reality.
I loved this reading because I am Buddhish (Buddhist and Jewish) remember! I found the most touching words to be “Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who do not understand.” When you look at the world without separation, there is no such thing as pretty or ugly. It is just being and existing. I also really enjoyed the line about Buddha’s enlightenment. When asked if he was the Enlightened One, his response was that he was awake. We all have the potential to be awake or conscious.
I think the question of what is reality and who gets to decide is unnecessary. We all experience and create our own realities. No one reality is any better than another. Instead, they are just different. I am not sure that there needs to be a single reality.
I never really gave much thought to the concept of reality. Is my reality the same as the next person? Probably not. I am a unique individual, with unique thoughts, experiences and a unique mind (or so I hope) and therefore how could the reality that I experience be the same as anyone else. People who have hallucinations or those individuals who may be Schizophrenic may experience what we consider a false reality, but as the entry explained there are numerous things in the world that are “real” to some people and not to others but we do not seem to label these differences in reality as abnormal…and why is that? Perhaps because many of these realities (i.e. angels, miracles, Gods, spirits) encompass spirituality and/or religion. The point here that I am trying to make is that none of us..NONE OF US…can say what is truly reality and therefore to say that someone should get to decide what is reality is leaving way too much power in the hands of someone (or some people) other than God himself.
This discussion reminds me of a “logical flaw” a friend pointed out (when we were in high school) in the theory of relativity. If you have a steel ball and a ring sized so that the ball won’t quite go thru the ring, it should go thru as it nears the speed of light, according to the theory of relativity. But if the ring is what is moving near the speed of light, the ball cannot go thru. From the perspective of the ring, the ball is moving close to the speed of light. But from the perspective of the ball, the ring is. It’s all relative.
All of this points me to the need for an infinite reference point. Jean Paul Sartre once stated that “every finite point is meaningless and absurd without an infinite reference point.” For me, the infinite reference point determines reality. To know whether the ball or the ring is moving, we look to the infinite reference point. The mountain exists because it exists to the infinite reference point, which for me is God. I could say that the mountain exists–whether or not I see it–because God says it exists.
I find a significant amount of peace in trusting the opinion of the infinite One on these matters. Without this infinite reference point, I feel lost and without anchor.
While it is true that we all maintain our own realities, some more alike than others, it is not true that all realities are functional. Of course this functionality is always based on a normative reality, as expressed in the previous post. Varying realities, perspectives, ‘existings’, provide us with great art, evolution of thought, war, all those things that make this world beautiful, unpredictable, safe, and dangerous. But in considering if there is a ‘real’ reality, we must consider which realities promote the functional well being of every other reality in our societies and which realities do not. As providers caring for the realities of other people, we must consider how their realities are positively and negatively affecting their functionality.
That is a very good point, who gets to decide? The story of the Chinese lady calling the baby “ugly, ugly, ugly” shows that the meaning behind words are greater than the words themselves. I had the same experience when my first cousin was born and a grandaunt of mine called the child ugly. That was the first time I heard about the demon feeding on cute babies superstition. The word ugly in this case is uttered out of love and care. Those that are familiar with this superstition will automatically know that the person saying the child is ugly adores the child and wants to keep the child safe. Therefore, back to the question “who gets to decide?” … My first response to this question is that God is the only one who gets to decide. We on the other hand, should strive to live as open minded as possible because we are all from different walks of life and therefore carry our own experiences and opinions.
That is a very good point, who gets to decide? The story of the Chinese lady calling the baby “ugly, ugly, ugly” shows that the meaning behind words are greater than the words themselves. I had the same experience when my first cousin was born and a grandaunt of mine called the child ugly. That was the first time I heard about the demon feeding on cute babies superstition. The word ugly in this case is uttered out of love and care. Those that are familiar with this superstition will automatically know that the person saying the child is ugly adores the child and wants to keep the child safe. Therefore, back to the question “who gets to decide?” … My first response to this question is that God is the only one who gets to decide. We on the other hand, should strive to live as open minded as possible because we are all from different walks of life and therefore carry our own experiences and opinions.
In class we’ve been discussing our definition of spirituality, and this post helps me define my spirituality more clearly. I agree with Amanda that the question of what is reality and who gets to decide is unnecessary. As physical beings we all have separate realities. The manifestation of our lives in the physical form gives us opportunities to experience the fullness of life. Those experiences along with our intended purpose make our realities different. I do not think this means we get to live within our own realities all the time. It seems to me that it is important to understand the realities of other people. We do this in our clinical work all the time. Certainly, we do this in our personal relationships. The recognition that another person’s reality is different from our own, along with patient understanding of their reality, gives us a glimpse into the magnificent Universe.
One of my favorite comics to read is Calvin and Hobbes. Many of the same philosophical questions asked throughout this post the young Calvin as a knack for asking them to his parents or whoever will listen. In one particular comic that comes to mind Calvin asks, “Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him?” I loved this when I read it because it came back to the same question, “Who is to decide?” Although some might find this question irritating especially the part of us that must be in control, I actually see the power of this question. In fact this question is empowering! I find myself at this time in my life in a good and terrible place. It is good because all of the terrible “stuff” that I am feeling and mentally toiling with is reshaping and discovering parts of myself that have either been ignored or unearthed. Much of what I converse with God about are expectations, fears, reality, purpose, and identity. At this time in my life I seek to simply find God in the moment, and I discover that when I do what would otherwise seem troublesome or annoying is powerful. I have found that a lot of what I have purposed to do was to look or appear a certain way for those who have high or low expectations of me, and to maintain an existence that is fragile in order to retain my prescribed role in my family and community. At the end of the day, however, “Who is to decide?” My reality and the truth that God has designed and I discover for my life are beautiful.
When I was about 7, I asked an intriguing question: do you see colors like I see colors? I remember my teacher writing me off with “of course” and closing the door to any subsequent questions I may be ready to ask. I can’t remember whether her response made me feel like this was a stupid question at the time, but I do remember the day I learned that this was NOT a stupid question. Not much later I was coloring with my 4 year old cousin when he posed an even more intriguing question: “why does my box of crayons have two reds?”. When I looked up I noticed his puzzled look was directed at a red crayon and a green crayon.
Not everyone sees colors the same. The fact that this difference is tied to a genetic anomaly does not minimize the peculiar notion that I may see different than you may see. Likewise, our perceptions of reality are subjective, whether differences in those perceptions are tied to culture, religion, childhood experience, or mental illness. Despite the origin of the differences, we still “see” different than others “see”. Can I really tell my cousin that he how he sees red is “wrong”? Perhaps it is not how most people see red, but it is still how the wavelengths absorbed by the crayon are interpreted in his retinal cells. How he sees red, or green for that matter, is his reality. In the same way, how can we decide whether any other experience of reality is “wrong”?
Who defines normal? What is normal for one person may not be considered normal for another. In society we are forced to fit into a mold identified by other human beings, usually those with more power and possibly a mold that resembles his or her characteristics. However, society should allow an individual to be oneself, and to feel comfortable with who one is without violating another’s rights. The same holds true when it comes to what is real and what is not. Does it really matter if I believe something and you don’t? What I believe matters is my belief and what I deem to be real for me. Therefore, how can I criticize what another believes to be true or not?
Reality for me is a process that takes place and does not happen over night for a person. Reality is based on my own personal belief and value system. What I perceive to be true and not true is how I define reality for myself. I believe that reality exists and it is seen from a different perspective for each person. What I perceive to be real to me may not be what another person considers to be reality to them. I believe that we cannot always prove what is real and what is not real. At times one may believe that they are living in a matrix because the situations that are happening around them do not seem real. In addition it could it be that the things that are happening around us are figments of our imagination. I believe “real” are things that we perceive to be truthful, things that exist to us and what we believe will happen in the here and now or in the future.
Reality is constructed by the way one thinks and the language we speak. I believe that if there are three individuals in a room watching the same movie each person will view the movie from a different perspective. At the end of the movie one might react and think differently of the movie based on the language they were able to understand while watching the movie. I believe reality exists because it is whatever a person perceives it to be. Reality is a person’s perception of life. Reality is what I believe is real to me or the world that I am living in at the moment. Reality is also what I am imagining my life to be; it is living in the experience of what you are imagining or thinking. In addition I believe there are times when reality seems to fade away because at times we walk around feeling like we are lost.
So at the end of the day I believe that reality for myself and an individual is based on a subjective stance.
Reality is a fascinating concept. Who gets to decide what the objective reality really is? I for one do not believe in an objective reality at all. I feel we as individual human beings have a very subjective view of our own worlds. We have different values, beliefs, ideas and experiences, which all contribute to our own reality. What is real for me may not be real for someone else and visa versa. I believe people can have shared experiences of reality however. For instance, if my best friend and I witness two people recite vows to each other in the union of marriage we can both agree that we are at a wedding, but our own perceptions will shape our subjective experience of that wedding therefore creating our own reality at that point in time. People can see or hear the same thing, yet experience it completely differently. There is no right answer, no universal truth. Reality is unique for each individual person. Everyone creates and experiences their own. This is the beauty of reality.
i like your example about subjective dimension of reality. i do agree with you totally on this. i think there’s objective reality out there but i do not suppose we have full access to this reality. we have pieces of this reality and do our best in relation to it.
This is quite a perplexing topic. While reading I began thinking of the scripture Hebrews 11:1 which says: “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.” In Matthew 9:29 Jesus touched the eyes of the blind while saying “According to your faith be it unto you”. In other words, whatever you believe is what will become your reality. “Reality” can mean different things for different people. But again, our society is made up of norms and values that dictate whether or not one’s defintion of reality is in fact reality. So who decides? Will I be labeled a rebel if my perspective varies from what we consider the norm? Is it possible for one to be “disconnected” from reality when we can’t even agree on a concrete definition? I honestly don’t have the answers to my own questions. However, I can conclude that reality is based on our personal experiences and can change over time.
I like the Bible texts that you cited. I do believe that the Bible challenges the normative understanding of societal values in a radical way. And listening to this challenge will be important for our society.
I have considered the question before of “what is reality and who can decide it?”. Who are any of us to tell someone what is real for them? No individual appreciates being told their experiences were not real, or demean them, yet that is continually done to others. I just don’t think we can fully identify reality. Each person’s truth is different. One of my favorite authors, Tim O’Brien, discussed in his book “The Things They Carried” the concept of real truth and story truth. He said he needed to exaggerate some things in his story to make the reader FEEL the things he felt in the situation. Maybe those events did not occur, which makes them not true, but he made you feel the same feelings he felt, which makes it true. Since truth and reality is subjective and always in the eye of the beholder, who can decide what is right or wrong. I think it comes down to what is “right” and “wrong” for each individual. I do think that what unifies us is our emotions. While we all may filter things differently, when we are sad, no matter the cause, we all know what that feels like. When we are elated, no matter what brought about the joy, we all know how it feels. I think that is why we like metaphors and similes so much, because even if you and I have not had the same experiences, if we relate them to each other, then we can experience the same truthful feelings.
you point about each of us have to decide right and wrong for ourselves is so well said. and i think it requires lots of maturity to be able to get to this point of selfdifferenciation. it is helpful to be reminded again, thanks.
This topic takes me back to the days of my adolescence. During that time I had many experiences of seeminlgy contridictory worlds. I understood perspectives in both, and therefore could not conceed to one world being more real or more right than the other, for both were genuinely real to those living within them. Becasue of this, I have always harbored a deep doubt about there being a “real” universal reality. When conversations with my friends or family come up regarding “Truth” and “reality”, I find that often times my response is, “Well, not necessarily”. For who among us has the authority to speak so certainly? I desire to expand the possibilities of what “reality” is and how it can be defined rather than confining it or putting parameters around what is is or isn’t. As others have stated previously, reality indeed seems to be a subjective experience unique to each of us.
Justine, i find your experience as a teenager very intriguing. seems to show that you have been thinking on this topic for quite a while and has a good idea of why reality is not defined and stagnant and that it it multiple. perhaps true as well is the idea that there is not always one unified sense of self in every one but multiple and not all sense of self are fully united and it is alright.
The excerpt of Carol North’s story, for some reason, brought a smile to my face. I was reminded of the multiplicity of realities in that each person’s subjective experience is colored in totally unique ways. In some part of my psyche I have a desire to let some of my own control and culturally defined constructions go… just to be able to “diffuse my molecules and slip right through the brick wall to the outside” as Carol is able to do. In other words, the way our culture and society has constructed our “reality” sets limits on any other possible reality.
Beth, i like your thought on diffusing your molecules and slip right through the brick wall. 🙂 as a way of letting go of control of constructed reality. isn’t this a way of speaking that redefines reality? i like it…we need more people who can diffuse molecules.
“Everything is a creation of the mind.” That sentence in particular stood out to me out of this entire piece. These philosophical discussions are rather difficult for me to completely wrap my mind around, as I tend to be more scientific and “proof-oriented.” But in reading the opening paragraph, I have come to wonder, is my proof of certain realities really proof? Or do I just look for evidence that may agree with a particular stance? And at that point, is it objective? I am not sure if I am making sense. This post has challenged my idea of what reality is, whether there is an objective reality, or if there are as many subjective realities as there are individuals. And I believe both do coexist, though the ideas of objective and subjective realities seem to oppose one another. Perhaps this is similar to the mystery of how the Trinity is three persons in one, all different but all the same, in that there is a greater explanation that we in our humanness cannot fathom or completely understand, but just trust that it is.
i like how you compare this to Trinity. like you said, i think there are things that we cannot fathom. speaking of reality, in many ways, is like speaking about God because God is Real and is the One who creates reality. i personally think that there is so much we cannot understand about God and what we understand is what has been revealed. And even then it is more of our subjective interpretation. i think there’s a place of the Holy Spirit that we do not talk much about in guiding us to a greater understanding from our subjective narratives.
Throughout the post you go back to the question “who decides,” this is an interesting topic. Who decides what is right, wrong, good or evil? Like I mentioned in my other post, we live in a society that feels that they have the power to decide these things. We look for answers, origins and labels to explain all behavior. The courts and the police decide what is right or wrong. Religions decide good and evil. Psychologists are left with the task of labeling and understanding these behaviors. Why should we be given the power to decide if someone is disconnected with reality when no one knows a true reality. Everyone lives there own reality. This i like Plato’s, Allegory of the Cave. Our reality only consists of that which we can see; the shadows from the fire allude to what may be going on outside our knowledge but we can never know for sure because it is not part of our reality. Can we accurately and appropriately treat others if we can never fully understand the reality that they are experiencing. Just because their reality does not match my one, does this mean they are deviant and have a pathology.
Amanda, great question. i also like your thoughts on the extend to which we can understand the other person’s reality and what you said about the matching of reality. reflecting on your thought, i wonder too what the implication might be for our therapeutic community when we may not share the other person’s reality.
I really enjoyed reading this, who hasn’t at one point thought about their reality. In particular, who hasn’t thought about “what reality is and who decides it”. I think it’s a topic that comes with a very heavy weight. To me this connected to the story in this week’s assignment, about the girl who believed she had once believed she was a wolf. In her reality she had this rationalized explanation of why she thought the way she did and why she so truly thought she was a wolf. In essence it was her reality, that was her belief, but to others her reality would seem wrong, or incorrect. Which brings us back to who decides reality? I think this story alludes to the fact that society defines what is real, I know that Kant talks about an “organizing principle” and it being the way we connect to an external place, an external reality, I feel like in this story she doesn’t use an organizing principle with those around her and therefore she doesn’t share an external reality.
Another part of this post that really stuck out to me was the quote, “Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who do not understand.” I think this is a beautiful quote. To me it speaks to the fact that once you know who you are and learn to love yourself, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are real, you are a person, and no one can take that away from you. As long as you are comfortable to yourself you can’t be ugly.
Alyson, i love your interpretation of the quote ‘Once you are Real….’ i think that in the end this is what the journey is all about. it is the final destination for all of us and hopefully how we define normative does not prevent us from achieving this goal (which to me is spiritual in dimension).
This was interesting for me to read, I believe that reality is a strange and fascinating thing to explain or try to comprehend. I agree with most posts in the fact that our own realities differ from each other and one reality may not be true for another indivdiual. In the mental health field, who has deteremined that not hearing voices or having visual hallucinations are “abnormal” and are infact hallucinations?
WHose reality has determined this to be abnormal. but at the sametime I do believe that we can have a sharing of realities too. Meaning that I do agree with pathologists when this is abnormal, but to prove a point why and who says it abnormal?
I like the example of really seeing a mountain and seeing a mountain. Meaning if one opens their eyes of course you percieve the mountain to be there, but when you close your eyes you can still see a mountian in your head just not as real. I understand what I read, but at the sametime it takes me a while to take it all in and open my mind to the possibilities of what others define their reality to be.
Who gets to decide reality? I think we all do. Reality is shaped by meaning and is one of the great confounders in life. It is often said we each have our own reality – this is really another way of saying we each perceive things in a unique way. People are driven to find meaning and, to do so, we often must create it.It does not matter who is right and who is wrong because ultimately there is no wrong. Meaning and reality are further shaped by our experiences and culture. I often wonder if the complexities are intentional – to put humans in a position in which accepting multiple realities is necessary – it makes unconditional acceptance difficult and the ability to do so somewhat of a virtue. The example of “ugly” in the article underlies the experiential influences and how it is often embedded in culture. Many of us have multi-cultural experiences in our families – in my mother’s Italian family it is loving when spoken to harshly and with brutal honesty (at least from the perception of the speaker); in my father’s German/French family it is loving to not speak much at all. The result is my reality is to be uncomfortable with both – I do not find the tendencies of my mother and my maternal relatives as loving; nor do I find those of my paternal family loving. I struggle with my reality which is that it is important to express feelings of all types and to do so in a loving and caring manner – expending judgment to the extent possible. My reality of a loving relationship lies in the space in-between my lived experiences. I have decided what is right for me and as I become more mature I am able to allow others to decide what is right for them without judgment – in this way I am also able to accept gestures that do not feel loving or caring in the spirit in which they are offered.
Donna
I was moved by this post. I have spent that last week in Vancouver, BC on a mission trip with my choir from church. We were working with Richmond Chinese Baptist Church and Temple Baptist in leading a Worship Arts Conference. What a unique place, people from ALL over the world have come here in the last few years and with it they have brought their culture and their religion. In the suburb of Richmond, one street is referred to as the Highways to Heaven and has the following temples; a Buddiest Temple, a Muslim Mosque, a Jewish Temple, Swamy Temple and a Hindu Temple. The city of Vancouver in the 2001 census was over 40% athiest or agnostic or no religion.
So, here I am on a mission trip proclaiming the one true God and his son Jesus Christ and I am taking a spirituality class and reading a post on “who decides whose truth is right?” Ironic to say the least!
My faith is very real for me, but I also recognize that others of different faiths also have a strong and real faith. My faith says that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. It also says that God’s desire is that none should perish. So, for congruency in my faith. I personally do believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I do believe he died for my sins. I also believe that God is bigger than culture and disagreements in religion. I know He knows all men’s hearts better than mine and His ways aren’t my way. So, I will love. My faith tells me that “they will know we are Christians by our love”. And, I think we as Christians have done an aweful job at expressing Christ’s love. We get too caught up in proving who is right and who is wrong. The Bible also says that “only God knows a man’s heart”. So, I can respect others difference. I can still believe in Jesus and I can still share the story of the gospel to hearts that are open to it.
When reading this post, I kept thinking of something I once heard and has forever stayed with me, “Your perception is your reality”. My answer to the question, who is to decide, is each individual person. Is that not called freedom of choice? Each person determines for them self what is right and what is wrong or further, what is their reality. I found Kant’s statement “We all think it is real but it is as real as we think it is” especially interesting and yet, so true. My reality is my reality and probably doesn’t match up perfectly to the next person’s reality. I think we all see things a little differently which makes us all unique. Something just as important to consider is the meaning that people attach to their reality.
I think that this post relates to a lot of what we assume as psychologists (or psychologists in training). A lot of our field is based on the assumption that there is a reality, and that some people are experiencing things that are not in reality. My first mentor was a cognitive psychologist, and I remember her lecturing that if she showed me a red apple and told me to imagine a red apple, the pattern of neurons firing in my brain would be exactly the same. This made me laugh and question how much of the world I assume is real is just imagined, or perceived, or filled in by our stereotyping schema-following brains. This would align well with Buddhism which often questions reality and calls this world an illusion. I often think about how insightful those concepts are and how important it is to question our own perceptions.
Every person is unique and experiences the world in different ways. However, culture and society set limits on reality. We are told what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, desired or undesired by the culture we live in. Some of these decisions are based on good intent, some are based on shallowness, some are based on greed, etc. I don’t believe any one person or group of people should have the power to determine reality for all people. But that is usually what society, and often government, often seeks to do. This makes it hard to experience and enjoy ones own personal reality.
Then there is the added complication of conflicting realities. What if someones reality included killing or harming other people for some reason? Is their reality still acceptable? I would think not, but that implies I have the power to judge realities, which I don’t. It seems to me that there is no one good way to determine which realities are acceptable or not acceptable. We just have to hope that most people act under the assumption that we should try to avoid harming others as much as possible regardless of what type of realty we function in. Which can be unsettling when you realize that that leaves little control over life, which is probably why people seek to define “appropriate” forms of reality in the first place.
I have often relied on the belief that reality is subjective. Posing the question who gets to decide what is true or right or appropriate or fair, in my opinion has a lot to do with the frame of reference a person comes from. Who is to say that what someone from one culture and experience believes to be true will make sense in the reality of another? As a global nomad, I have encountered a variety of contradictory perspectives of reality. As a cultural chameleon, I have learned to adapt and adopt all manner of ideas which may not always correspond. Where does that leave me? When thinking about reality, I feel it comes down to this. I believe that God’s reality is truth. Absolutes do exist, in God, though we may never fully understand what they are. As humans, we are entitled to our perception of reality because of the circumstances and vantage points from which we find ourselves. This perspective makes it possible for two good people to have opposing views of right and wrong yet allows for them to both to agree to disagree on a subject. Heaven will be filled with surprised people who discover that God’s reality was much different than the human perspective of things. As 1 Corinthians 13:12 says “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
Reading this post sort of blew my mind. I have though about this before. What is reality and who is to say it is what it is? I have always debated this with my family and friends as far as religion is concerned. I always wondered, “ok, so we’re Christians, and we think we have the truth, but who are we to say that this, in fact, is the truth?” It has always been a topic that makes me feel curiosity, amazement, anger, sadness, and many other emotions all at once. This brings me to my next topic, if reality is relative, why do we as humans think that we can go around and point fingers judging other people’s “reality” when we are not even sure of our own. This is a question I have for God when I get to see Him, which as you can now see, is my reality.
Epistemology is something that has interested me for awhile. Our ability to fully and accurately know reality is rather limited. At one extreme is Cartesian concept of the evil genius, or God, who has created a form of ‘virtual reality’ in which all humans live in a mental dream world, when in fact our bodies are elsewhere in another type of reality. This idea is very similar to the program world of the Wachowski Brothers’ “The Matrix.” Another more plausible and often actual scenario is that much of the information we believe to be true could in fact be false as a result of disinformation campaigns, our own misunderstanding or misperception of what is being relayed to us, or that the source of the information has misunderstood the information that they are relaying. We need look no further than television media and the news to see this scenario play out. There are radically different versions of the same news story depending on which news outlet you are following and even the country you are in at the time. On the day of September 11, 2001 news outlets played video footage of arabians in the Middle East burning American flags. Within a context of a recent terrorist attack supposedly performed by arabians it would appear that there was great hostility across the whole of the Middle East towards Americans. However, according to what I’ve been told (ironically, yet another possibility for misinformation) this footage was stock, meaning that it had happened several years before Sept. 11, 2001 and therefore did not accurately reflect the sentiments of that day. Though several volumes could be written, and I’m sure they have been, regarding the limitations of what we can and cannot know, let it suffice for now that reality is a mystery and my advice to others experiencing anxiety due to this fact is that if we do in fact create our own reality through or own cognitive, emotional, and physical processes then we have a degree of control over how or reality manifests. Thus, think and act in such a way that you manifest a reality worthy of your existence.
This article raises some good questions that individuals may often wonder about; who is to decide what is right? which reality is it? Certain cultural beliefs/traditions may shape our view of reality and thus defining what in our view is or isn’t reality. In the case of the old Chinese woman who told the young child that he was ugly, this was a result of what she believed thus she felt that was protective to the child. In the eyes of this Chinese woman, that was reality, and that was right for her…
As a Christian who believes in the Bible as God’s word for humankind, I believe this book has the truth, and it serves as a manual to happiness teaching us what is right and honorable to God. Moreover, the next question would be why should we believe God through the Scriptures? The answer to that is because He is the creator God, who knows His creation very well, and also knows what is best for us. After all, I know I am in good hands when I abide by the standards the Creator has established because these teach us to love Him and to demonstrate such love by loving others.
that is always the debate; what is reality, what is right, what is wrong, whose answer is the correct answer. I think i might have to agree with the story in the beginning of the two men trying to decide who would be their moderator in an argument who could they get that would not be biased. I suppose they could have tried to find someone with no opinion and knowledge of the subject at all, but it is true how do we decide what is absolutely right or wrong. Of course society has decided for us in some circumstances, but I am of the opinion that in the end it really comes down to each person’s individual beliefs and perceptions. Only I can decide what is right, wrong and reality for me not for someone else. However, there are some things that I wish everyone would adhere to as right or wrong such as stealing or killing, but it can be hard to tell someone else there reality is not the correct one. it is also hard to say when we should make that determination that we should impose laws and limits on right, wrong and reality; do we impose these laws when someone’s reality may bring harm to someone else or are there other criteria?
It was nice to close my eyes and not see my macbook in front of me. Then open my eyes again and see my macbook in front of me.
I also beleive that reality is created by me and that it may not actually be ‘real’. But who am I to say, to even know…
gary
Perhaps our awareness that there is no objective reality is part of what makes us treasure shared experiences–or at least to seek them out. As to who gets to decide, it would be a great relief to me if we settled on no one deciding. “How can you say that your truth is better than ours?” (Mumford and Sons “I Gave You All”)
When reading this article I can’t help but view it through my own life but mostly the eyes of a therapist. Who does get to decide what is real and what is ok? I view myself as a Solutions Focused therapist meaning I believe people hold their own answers and can solve their problems. Within this it is not my place to decide what a problem is for someone nor what the solution looks like. I strive to hear each individuals perspective and work from their reality even if it does not agree with my own. Yet do i really do this? There are certain things society has decided upon as far as reality, if I learn child abuse is occurring I MUST report it despite the situations around it (cultural etc). If someone is a threat to themselves or others this must be dealt with even if in that person’s reality they are doing the correct thing. I go back and forth between these dueling thoughts. “I allow others to be themselves and respect personal realities and choices made” and “I must follow societies rules and do my duty as a therapist”. Although i do not believe there is a perfect solution to this, nor do i think I will ever live up to my own ideal all I can do is continue to work to my ideal as far as I am able to do so. There are areas where a right and wrong do exist, if a child is getting hurt then I am forced to step in. However I can still listen to the individuals story to try and understand why this is happening and not just tell them they are wrong. As of now this is the closest balance I have found.