Having lived with depression most of my life I think I’ve come to learn a thing or two about depression. It amazes me how the realization takes place in the presence of others. It was through conversing with people suffering severe depression that I’ve come to see a thing or two about one of the most significant experiences in my life. I’ve been living a very disconnected life. Perhaps feeling disconnected is a better representation. When you are depressed you just feel wrong. Your being is a collection of negativity and hence all experiences are experienced as negative, as not supposed to be, as insufficient even when it may not be at all. It pushes you to the boundary, to live on the edge. It is a constant reminder that you are not what you suppose to be. You are just wrong. This sense of oneself raises a very high level of consciousness. And self-consciousness leads to a sense of disconnection. Connection, to my understanding, is about spontaneity. And spontaneity emerges from a sense of safety, a core feeling that one is ok. Disconnection is when you are conscious of the fact that you are not where you ought to be. As one proceeds in life being conscious of where one ought to be, things become artificial in an attempt to align oneself with the logic of life, with all the oughts. The harder one tries, the more disconnected one feels because connection is based on the assumption that where one is is good enough. There’s nothing to prove. This is a good place to be. The challenge of a depressed person such as myself is to learn to maintain the tension by becoming aware of the redemption for the person that I am while keeping in mind the distinction from the chemically generated emotion that emerges continually.
Depression, Connection, and Disconnection
November 20, 2007 by sirojs
Posted in Depression, Health, Life, Personal, Psychology, Psychology and Religion, Spirituality | 8 Comments
8 Responses
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Recommended Readings
I couple of my esteemed colleagues published books that you may want to consider reading:
Jane Maynard, Transfiguring Loss: Julian of Norwich as a Guide for Survivors of Traumatic Grief. Pilgrim Press, 2006.
David Hogue, Remembering the Future, Imagining the Past: Story, Ritual, and the Human Brain. Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2003.
Kathleen Greider, Much Madness Is Divinest Sense: Wisdom in Memoirs of Soul-Suffering. Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2007.
Siroj Sorajjakool, Do Nothing: Inner Peace for Everyday Living: Reflections on Chuang Tzu's Philosophy: Templeton, 2009.
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this makes perfect sense to me. i often feel like i can relate to this place you are talking about. and i agree. i dont’ think its necessarily a bad place to be. from here, everything is in a new perspective, a new light. it can be used for good as long as we can remember “the redemption for the person that i am” as you say. disconnection from the world isn’t a bad thing either. we are to be in the world, but not of it. as long as we can keep our eyes on Jesus and our spirits high, this thing called “depression” doesn’t have to hold a negative world view. thanks so much for your comments and blogs, they mean more to me than you know. blessings 🙂
I really appreciate your comment on depression. It is very comforting to know that there are those who really understand the journey of people who have been through depression, the journey that brings us to the true meaning of grace.
Well said…well said…i do thing if those who suffer from depression can become “aware” of their state it can be used for infinite things….i know we spoke on this subject maybe it is something that we should continue to explore…im going to start one of these blogs soon ill let you know…i would like to focus on the ramifications from altered states of mind…whether it is internal or external chemical influence…something to think about ill keep you posted. Cheers and happy holiday
So true…awareness is definitely a major contributing factor for recovery. Yes…looking forward to reading your blog on this topic.
[…] Sorajjakool writes in a typically sensitive post about the challenge of living with depression. This is a remarkable reflection on connection and […]
I noticed that this is not the first time at all that you write about this topic. Why have you decided to write about it again?
When I post on the blog, I usually do it at random when ideas come to me. And so there may be a little overlap on some topics however it has an added perspective to it that will usually be different from the previous posts. Thanks for pointing this out.
[…] Sorajjakool writes in a typically sensitive post about the challenge of living with depression. This is a remarkable reflection on connection and […]